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Step 1) Make a list.
Before you can pick a church, you need to know your options.
First, we need to find all the possible churches in our area. I like Google maps, but you can use whatever you prefer. A simple search of “Church near me” should be enough to get started.
Open your favorite spread sheet software and give it a title. I used google sheets and called it “What church is right for me?”
When you find a viable church, add the name and url to your spreadsheet. I was tempted at first to open each website in a new tab instead of focusing on just putting it in the spreadsheet, but I don't recommend doing this. Managing 20 tabs gets overwhelming quickly and gets even worse in future steps. Trust me, take the extra five seconds to update the spread sheet.
Found too many churches?
There are over 70 churches where I live in Williamsburg, VA. In order to reduce the number of possible options, I set a max distance of 10 miles from my house. I also worked in batches of 20. Once I had 20 churches in my list, I moved along to step 2.
Not enough churches?
Try searching the internet for church-related keywords. i.e. Spiritual Center, Fellowship Hall, Congregation, Worship Center, Prayer House, Community Chapel, Faith Community, Assembly, Ministry, Sanctuary, Meeting House, Retreat Center, etc.
Which Christian denomination is right for me?
In my experience, I have found it’s better to ask “which church leader is right for me” and “what church community is right for me” rather than “which denomination is right for me.”
Why? Denominations are made up of people, and people are always growing and changing. In every church and in every denomination, you'll find people trying to change core ideas and another (usually larger) group of folks trying to keep it the same. Meaning there's quite a bit of variation within every denomination.
Besides, you can usually get a feel for a group's beliefs and priorities pretty quickly. Most churches have their belief statements posted on their websites, and most pastors are willing to meet up for a chat.
Step 2) Determine non-negotiables.
Make a quick list of two or three things that are “non-negotiable” in your ideal church setting. To say it another way, what two or three things MUST be true for you to want to attend?
Add a column to your spreadsheet for each non-negotiable.
For myself, I want to find an open-minded church that prioritizes community practice and conversation on Sunday morning. I couldn't find any churches in my area like that, so my wife and I are planning to start our own flipped church in 2025.
Here are some ways you might narrow down your list…
Service format & length → Traditional sermon, communion, Q&A, etc. 50min, 60min, 90min, etc.
Beliefs / mission → Most churches have these listed on their website.
Music → Contemporary, traditional, chanting, hymns, etc.
Events, activities, small groups, etc. → Couple retreats, men's and women's groups, Bible studies, movie nights, etc.
Community service → Do they partner with any local organizations? Do they run any programs?
Financial transparency/budgets → Where does the money go? Do they make their financial documents public?
How leadership talks about themselves and their congregants → Leaders and followers, shepherds and people needing shepherding, facilitators and participants, etc.
Kids programs → Do they have any? Are they transparent about curriculum? (For example, for me, if the kids' curriculum is not available for me to see, I would not let my own kids attend.)
Step 3) Narrow the list.
Use the non-negotiables from step two to narrow down your big list of options.
Click on each church's website, note down if they are a good fit for you or not, and drop a ❌ when they do not match. It's easy to see when you scan back over your list.
Here are a few ways to find the info you're looking for: read the website, read google reviews, search the internet for "church_name + your_non-negotiable."
Step 4) Watch online.
Congrats on creating your short list! Now it’s time to watch some sermons. Your goal in this step is to find three different churches that feel like a good fit. Don't worry too much if the music sound pitchy or too loud. Most churches' online services look/sound much better in person.
Most churches have a link to their past services. It'll usually say "Sermons" or "Watch Online" or might just be a link to Youtube, Facebook, or Vimeo.
Here's a quick video to show you how I like to quickly audit a church's services...
I had to watch sermons from five different churches until I had my top three. That number might be more or less depending on how important the question “What church is right for me?” is for you.
Step 5) Visit your top churches.
If you've followed along to this point, you should have a short list of three churches you're excited to visit.
I recommend starting with your favorite, and no matter how much you like it, try out the other two. This will give your favorite church an opportunity to follow up with you. This follow-up may be indicator to help you know (through experience) that you're in the right place.
If you really want to know what you're getting into, you can ask for a meeting with pastor. Make a point of talking to people before and after service. And come prepared with some friendly questions about the things that are most important to you.
Consider - The right church for you might change.
Whatever church is right for me today might be totally different tomorrow.
Speaking for myself, I have found a lot of peace in being able to release church communities as needed. My beliefs about the world have changed quite a bit from when I left my first church at 16, and my beliefs continue to change as I meet new people and learn from their stories.
As uncomfortable as this may sound, pastors change, churches change, denominations change, and entire religions shift over time. It’s not automatically a good or bad thing to change one's beliefs. It's uncomfortable, but not uncommon. There’s no need to feel guilty or alone if you someday find yourself ready to try out another church. So good luck, and I hope you find a church community out there that’s perfect for you.
